This isn't Love
by FriendsFanatic3
Summary: *Chapter 3 Now Up* What will it take to make them realize what they have in each other?? A R&R Fic. PLease review if you liked it
1. Default Chapter

This isn't Love-  
  
AN= I was extremely bored at work tonight and this idea just came to me so I decided to write it up. It probably isn't very good but oh well. If you like it then please review it but if not then don't bother posting hurtful reviews, they will just be ignored.  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own any of these characters besides Madelyn. They belong to Bright, Kauffman and Crane.  
Chapter 1- UPDATED  
  
8-year-old Emma Geller sat in her bedroom, playing with her Dollhouse. She was supposed to be in bed but instead she was playing while trying to block out the shouting of her parents at one another. Her 4-month-old sister Madelyn was lying in her crib, seemingly unaffected by the shouting. It was mainly Mom shouting at Dad, who just stood there and occasionally fought back. This had been going on for months so Emma was sort of used to it by now.  
  
"I can't deal with this anymore Ross," shouted Rachel.  
  
"Deal with what?" asked Ross "What do you seriously have to deal with?"  
  
"I can't deal with all this fighting. I can't deal with having to do everything in this house; I'm not Mary Poppins for Christ sakes. There's only so much I can do at once"  
  
"From what I can recall, you are the one that starts all the arguments," retorted Ross.  
  
Rachel sat down on the couch with her arms folded in front of her. "Don't blame everything on me Ross, I'm not the one with the problems"  
  
"What problems do I have? I go to work everyday and bring home the money so you, Emma and Maddie can have everything you want. If it weren't for me, this family would have nothing"  
  
"Don't make out that I bring nothing into the family. I'm the one who bought those 2 little girls into the world. I'm the one who's at home looking after our children. I couldn't work even if I wanted too"  
  
"I'm not saying that, I'm just....God what happened to us Rachel? Remember that magic word. That feeling that we used to share called 'LOVE'?"  
  
"LOVE???? This isn't love Ross. You call fighting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week love? I don't even know what love is anymore, there hasn't been any love between us for months"  
  
"So now I don't show you any love?? All I have to do is breathe and you jump at me. What the hell do you want me to do? What do you want me to do every day to show you that I love you?? Do you want me to get down on my hands and knees and kiss your feet or something?"  
  
"You being a smart ass isn't making this any better Ross," snapped Rachel.  
  
Ross sat down on the couch next to Rachel "Look Rach, I don't know what to say. I don't even really know what started us fighting"  
  
"We're fighting because you expect me to do everything. You just take me for granted every day but I'm telling you right now Ross, if things don't change I'm not going to be here every day"  
  
"What are you saying? That you're going to leave me?" asked Ross. "You wouldn't"  
  
"Do you want to try me Ross?? I am deadly serious. Either things change or the kids and I are out of here"  
  
"Don't threaten me Rachel," said Ross.  
  
"It's not a threat. It's a fact," said Rachel  
  
He muttered to himself "Jesus Christ"  
  
"Jesus Christ what??" asked Rachel.  
  
"Jesus Christ I can't believe this is how we've turned out. I can't believe this is what we've come too. And about that whole 'I don't show you enough love' thing. I don't show you any love because I can't stand the way you've been lately. Why would I want to do anything with you when all you do is bitch at me??"  
  
"You're an asshole Ross. What ever possessed me to marry you for a second time. I must have been out of my mind?"  
  
"Well why are we still married if you feel that way?" asked Ross "Our marriage clearly means nothing to you"  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes until Ross stood up suddenly. "I've gotta get out of here"  
  
"What??" said Rachel "You're going to leave when we haven't even finished talking yet?"  
  
"We're not talking. All we're doing is bitching and I can't stand it anymore. I need to get out of here before I say some things that I'm really going to regret. And I can't stand being in here with you. I don't know what happened to the Rachel that I fell in love with and married but I sure as hell don't like the new one"  
  
Rachel stood up about to give him a piece of her mind when Emma came barrelling through from her bedroom.  
  
"Daddy, Don't leave me," she cried. "Take me with you"  
  
"Go back to bed Em" said Ross gently.  
  
"Come here Emma," said Rachel, putting her arms out.  
  
"NO. I'm not staying here with you. It's your fault that Daddy's leaving me," yelled Emma.  
  
"I'm not leaving you Em," said Ross, picking her up into his arms "I'd never leave my 2 Princesses. I'm just going out for a little while"  
  
"Let me come with you," said Emma.  
  
"Emma, You're not going ok. You've got school in the morning" said Rachel firmly.  
  
"Come on Sweetie. Let's go back to bed," said Ross "You go to sleep and I promise I'll be here in the morning when you wake up"  
  
He walked through to Emma and Madelyn's bedroom to settle her in, leaving Rachel sitting on the couch, with her head in her hands.  
  
-5 minutes later  
  
Ross walked back out into the lounge room to see Rachel still in the same position as before.  
  
"She's asleep and so is Maddie," he said, standing by the front door.  
  
Ross stood there waiting for her to say something but she didn't so he just grabbed his coat and slammed the door behind him.  
  
Rachel got up and walked over to the window where she looked down at the street and saw Ross walking away. Without even turning back, He just walked away.  
  
She began to sob loudly, wishing that he would just turn around and come back. She didn't know where he was going, when he was gonna come home. She lay down on the couch with the blanket wrapped around her.  
  
"Was it her fault?" she thought to herself. They had been fighting non-stop since before Madelyn was born. They went without arguing for about a week after they bought the baby home from the hospital, they were in their happy new parents mode, which didn't last very long and ever since then things had just gone downhill.  
  
She felt her eyes closing, as she fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
(Streets of Manhattan)  
  
Ross is walking slowly down the street, shoulders slumped and his hands buried deep in the pockets of his big coat. It was a freezing night and Ross could feel his body slowly getting colder and colder. He knew that he should go home but he just couldn't be in the same room with Rachel right now. His thoughts were all jumbled up "What did she mean when she said she must have been out of her mind when she married him?" "Did she really love him at all?" "Were her threats about leaving him for real?" "Was he going to be divorced for a 4th time?"  
  
He knew how much he loved Rachel. No matter what they said to each other, He loved her so much it hurt. She was his soul mate and her and the kids were everything to him but once harsh words get said, Things are never the same.  
  
He spotted a Café across the road and decided to stop in and grab some coffee before heading home. They were going to sort out their problems tonight whether she liked it or not because all this fighting wasn't doing them any good. He vowed not to sleep tonight until they had everything sorted out.  
  
He stepped out onto the road, failing to notice the speeding cab headed straight for him and with a squeal of brakes, the cab ploughed straight into him. He blacked out a second after it hit, the last thought before he lost consciousness was "This was it, He was going to die before telling Rachel he loved her, without seeing his kids once more"  
  
(Cut to Ross and Rachel's Apartment)  
  
Rachel was awoken on the couch, from loud knocks coming from the front door. She jumped up quickly and ran to the door.  
  
"Ross??" she said as she pulled the door open, only to see two plain- clothed policemen, holding up their identification badges.  
  
"Can I help you?" she said, looking at her watch. It was nearly midnight.  
  
"I'm Detective Buzzelli and this is Detective Jefferies. Are you Mrs Rachel Geller?"  
  
"Yes. What's going on?" asked Rachel.  
  
"Mrs Geller, I'm afraid there's been an accident," said Detective Jefferies.  
  
"Wha... What?" stammered Rachel  
  
"Your Husband, Ross Geller was struck down by a speeding cab about half and hour ago and has been taken to Beth Israel in a very critical condition. I'm afraid it doesn't look good"  
  
"Noo, Please No" screamed Rachel, before she fainted, Detective Buzelli catching her before she hit the floor.  
  
(Minutes Later)  
  
Rachel came too; She was lying on the couch with the two policemen standing over her. Emma, hearing Rachel's scream had come out from her room and was now standing looking at Rachel.  
  
She sat up slowly, trying to remember what had happened.  
  
"What happened?" asked Rachel.  
  
"Mommy, What's going on?" asked Emma, rubbing her eyes, blearily.  
  
"Mrs Green, Do you remember what we just told you?" asked Det. Jefferies  
  
Rachel racked her brains, and then it came to her.  
  
"Ross!!" she cried, jumping up off the couch. "Take me to my husband please?"  
  
"Mommy, Where's Daddy?" asked Emma, starting to get scared.  
  
"Emma, There's been an accident. Daddy's at the hospital" said Rachel, her eyes welling up with tears.  
  
Emma started to cry, "Is he going to be ok?"  
  
"He's going to be fine Honey," answered Rachel calmly. "We'll go down there now and see him ok?"  
  
"Why don't you come with me Sweetie, We'll wait for Mommy in the police car" said Det. Buzelli, taking Emma's hand. "Is there a coat for this pretty young lady to put on?"  
  
"Here" said Rachel, throwing a purple coat to him, before running through to Maddie's bedroom, picking up the sleeping baby, wrapping her in a thick blanket and heading out the front door.  
  
(Hospital)  
  
Rachel walked into the ICU quietly. Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey had arrived and were outside in the waiting room with Emma and Madelyn.  
  
Rachel saw Ross in a corner bed, Hooked up to machine's with all sorts of wires attached to his body. He had a plaster on one arm and a bandage on his head. She gasped in shock when she saw him. He was as pale as a ghost.  
  
She walked up to his bed and touched his hand. He was so still.  
  
"Ross" she whispered. "Ross, Can you hear me?"  
  
There was no movement, absolutely no signs whatsoever that he was even in there.  
  
Rachel sat down next to his bed and held onto his hand. The tears began to flow down her face as she stared at him. He seemed lifeless, only for the beeps of the machines.  
  
Doctor Raymond entered the room to talk to Rachel and inform her of Ross's condition.  
  
"Mrs Geller, I'm Dr Raymond. I was the first doctor who attended to Ross when he arrived at Beth Israel"  
  
"What's happening? When will he wake up?" asked Rachel as she stood up.  
  
"I'm afraid Ross sustained rather shocking head injuries in the accident. He was knocked about severely and his head got the brunt of the damage. He also suffered some internal bleeding, I operated as soon as he arrived and was able to stem that so that is really the least of our worries right now. Mrs Geller, Ross is in a very deep coma, He is stabilised now but we don't know when and if he will come out of it and at this stage there is a 65% survival rate"  
  
"65% Survival..." stuttered Rachel "Are you telling me that he may never wake up again?"  
  
"There is a chance that may happen Mrs Geller, but there is also a chance that he will wake and have suffered no brain damage at all" said Dr Raymond. "I'm so sorry to bring you this news"  
  
"I don't know what to say," said Rachel "Could I be alone with my husband now?"  
  
"Absolutely. If you have any questions or need anything at all then don't hesitate to ask me. I'm here to help you and I'm here to help Ross"  
  
"Thank you very much," said Rachel as he headed for the door.  
  
He turned around suddenly.  
  
"Could I suggest something Mrs Green?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," said Rachel  
  
"Talk to Ross. Let him know that you are here because it has been proved that people in comas can hear what is going on and sometimes hearing their loved ones voices can help bring them out of the coma"  
  
"Thank you" said Rachel "I will"  
  
She sat back down; absolutely numb at what she had just heard. Ross could die and she blamed herself. If she hadn't of argued with him, He would never had left and he wouldn't be lying here fighting to survive. It was all her fault.  
  
She began to sob softly. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him, if he didn't make it out of here.  
  
"Ross, I'm so sorry" she said softly. "I don't know if you can hear me but I want you to know how much I love you, you may think otherwise but I do love you so much" She reached out and stroked his hand gently.  
  
"You have to get through this Ross, because I know that if you aren't by my side, I won't be able to go on, I won't be able to cope. I really need you to try and get through this, if not for me then do it for Emma and Madelyn, They need their daddy around"  
  
Rachel felt herself beginning to lose it. She knew that this wasn't going to do any good, so she got up and composed herself in the corner before heading out to the waiting room to talk to Monica and everyone else.  
  
(Waiting Room)  
  
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey all sat tensely, waiting for some news. Emma was sitting quietly next to Phoebe while Monica was cradling a still sleeping Madelyn.  
  
Chandler, Phoebe and Joey jumped up quickly when they saw Rachel walk out, Her tear stained face made them wonder what news she was about to bring them.  
  
"How is he?" asked Monica, standing up carefully so she didn't wake Maddie.  
  
"Fine" said Rachel, looking at Emma.  
  
"He's not going to die is he?" asked Joey  
  
"Joey!!" Phoebe exclaimed, nodding her head over at Emma who was staring at the wall.  
  
"Sorry" said Joey "Hey Em, Why don't we go and get a soda or a candy bar?"  
  
"Ok" replied Emma softly. She stood up and walked over to Rachel, wrapping her arms around her waist "Is Daddy gonna be ok?"  
  
"Of course he is Honey," said Rachel "He wouldn't ever leave his two Princesses now would he?"  
  
"Never" agreed Emma "I love you Mommy"  
  
"Aw Baby, I love you too" said Rachel kissing her head "Now go with Uncle Joey and eat some junk food ok?"  
  
They watched Emma and Joey walk away.  
  
"How is he really?" asked Chandler  
  
Rachel's eyes welled up immediately.  
  
"He's in a deep coma," she said, as she sat down in an armchair "He's got shocking head injuries and Dr Raymond doesn't know if he'll even come out of the coma. There's a 65% chance that he'll make it"  
  
"Nooo" breathed Monica, as she started to cry. "65%?"  
  
"It's going to be ok Honey," said Chandler, pulling Monica into his arms "Ross will get through this"  
  
"I know, you're right," said Monica "He's so strong and he will make it"  
  
"How are you holding up Rach?" asked Phoebe  
  
"I don't know, I just can't believe this has happened," answered Rachel "This is my worst nightmare. I'll never forgive myself if he doesn't get through this"  
  
"Why would you say that?" asked Monica "It's not your fault"  
  
"But it is my fault" said Rachel "Ughh, I think I'm going to be sick. I've gotta go get some air"  
  
She walked away, towards the doors, the others staring in disbelief behind her.  
  
"Why would she blame herself?" asked Chandler  
  
"I don't know" said Monica "I'm going to go and talk to her"  
  
"Do you think they'll let me in to see him?" asked Chandler "Even though I'm not immediate family?"  
  
"Tell them you're his brother," said Phoebe "That'll work"  
  
(ICU Room)  
  
Chandler walked in to Ross's room, screwing up his nose at the Sanitised hospital smell. He hated hospitals and usually did his best to avoid them but here he was.  
  
He sat down in the armchair, next to Ross's bed. He was looking at Ross, thinking he looked like Hell. He didn't know if he should talk to him or something like that.  
  
"Hey Ross, It's Chandler. Listen I don't know if I'm wasting my time here but I just wanted to tell you that we are all here for you. We all love you and want you to make it so I think that's reason enough for you to wake up. Rachel's outside with Monica, She's beside herself with grief, blaming herself for some reason, She said that if anything happened to you that she would never forgive herself. Please don't put her through that ok? You've gotta get through this because I can't imagine what life would be like without you here, You've been my best friend for so many years and I need you to be here for many more years all right? Do we have a deal? You make it out of here and I'll continue to be your best buddy. Sounds fair to me. But I better go now dude before someone realizes that I'm not really your brother and kick me out."  
  
(Cut to outside the Hospital)  
  
Monica walked out the double doors and saw Rachel sitting on one of the benches.  
  
"Rachel, It's freezing out here," she said, as she sat down next to her.  
  
"I know," said Rachel, looking at Madelyn, who looked awfully warm in her thick blanket and Pink Beanie. She began to stir in Monica's arms "It's probably time for her feeding"  
  
"Here" said Monica, handing her over to Rachel.  
  
"Hi Little Girl" said Rachel, a smile coming to her face as she felt Madelyn nestle comfortably in her arms "Hi"  
  
"She's got Ross's features doesn't she?" said Monica  
  
"She sure does," replied Rachel, stroking the baby's face as she hungrily breast-fed.  
  
"So tell me Rachel, Why are you blaming yourself?" asked Monica "There is no way possible that this could be your fault Sweetie"  
  
"You don't know Monica" said Rachel softly "I drove him out of the apartment last night, We were arguing as usual and I told him that if things didn't change then I was going to leave him and take the kids with me. I told him that I didn't even know why I married him again"  
  
"Why did you say that?" asked Monica "Are you going to leave him?"  
  
"Of course not. I don't know why I said it. Because I was angry maybe, because I wanted to hurt him, and now he really is hurting and it's all my fault"  
  
"You poor thing" said Monica, wrapping her arms around Rachel "You can't blame yourself. This was an accident. A tragic accident and I'm so sure that when Ross wakes up, He's going to take you in his arms and tell you the same thing"  
  
"What if he doesn't wake up? What if he dies, thinking that I don't love him? I will never, ever forgive myself, knowing that I made him leave that night. If I weren't such a bitch then he would have been safe at home, in bed with me instead of walking the streets and getting hit by Cab's"  
  
"He will wake up. I know Ross, and I know how much he loves you and he loves Emma and Maddie and he wouldn't go anywhere without saying good-bye first. So you fight a lot, what couple doesn't? Ross does know deep down how much you love him"  
  
"I don't know what I'll do if he does die Monica" sobbed Rachel "I can't raise these girls without him. I can't do it on my own. And most of all, I can't survive without him. I love him so much"  
  
"Ssshhh" said Monica "Don't even go there ok? You married someone who is so strong and he has something to live for, He has this beautiful family that he will live for"  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments; Rachel had many thoughts running through her mind.  
  
"I better go back inside," said Rachel "I don't want to be out here if he wakes up"  
  
"That's the spirit," said Monica "Are you ok now?"  
  
"I am" replied Rachel "Thanks Mon"  
  
Monica watched Rachel and Madelyn walk back inside.  
  
She was being so strong for Rachel that she hadn't even let the realization that her brother might die sink in to herself yet.  
  
She felt the tears start to slide down her face. She didn't know how she would cope if her big brother wasn't by her side. Ross had helped her through so much crap over the years and she would be forever thankful to him for it.  
  
(ICU Room)  
  
Rachel walked in with Emma and Madelyn. She wasn't sure if she should let Emma see Ross like this but decided it was best in case something did happen. She wanted to see her Dad.  
  
They had cleaned Ross up while she was gone; there were no longer bloodstains on his head and body anymore. He looked peaceful except for tubes and wires all over his body.  
  
As they entered they saw a Nurse fiddling around with one of the machines connected to Ross.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Rachel asked worriedly.  
  
"No, Just checking. His condition hasn't changed," replied the Nurse "I'll leave you 4 alone"  
  
"Thankyou" said Rachel  
  
"Are you ok Honey?" she said to Emma, who was standing at the door quietly.  
  
Emma took a deep breath; it was scary for her, seeing her Dad lying there, so still.  
  
"He looks like he's sleeping," said Emma, walking up to the bedside and touching Ross's hand gently "Daddy... Daddy can you hear me?"  
  
"He is sleeping Emma," said Rachel, as she sat down, placing a sleeping Madelyn in her carrier. "You can say hi to him if you like"  
  
"But he can't hear me if he's sleeping can he?" asked Emma  
  
"Maybe, Maybe not" said Rachel "But he could also wake up if he hears your voice"  
  
She lifted Emma up onto the bed, where she sat perched on the edge.  
  
"Daddy, It's Emma," she said softly. "I don't know why you are still asleep but you need to wake up soon, do you know why? Because it's nearly morning and me and Maddie need our good morning cuddles"  
  
Hearing this, Rachel started to cry softly into her hands. Ross had a morning ritual with Emma and Madelyn where he would give them one of his famous bear hugs; Emma always said that she couldn't go to school without one.  
  
Emma noticed Rachel's tears.  
  
"Mommy's crying now so I'm going to give her a cuddle. It won't be anything like yours but I'll try ok. I love you Daddy and I'll talk to you soon" said Emma.  
  
She kissed Ross's hand and jumped off the bed. She then walked over to Rachel and pulled herself into the armchair, on her lap. She wrapped her little arms around her tightly. "Better?"  
  
"Much better" said Rachel "Much, Much better" 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I don't own the song "How do I live" by Leanne Rimes or "With or without you" by U2  
  
(1 month later)  
  
Rachel was running around the apartment frantically. She had to drop Emma at school and Maddie at Day Care before going down to the Hospital. She had taken leave until further notice at Ralph Lauren so she could spend her days with Ross.  
  
"Emma, come on" she called into the bedroom.  
  
"I want to go and see Dad today" said Emma, stomping out of her bedroom.  
  
"I know Honey," said Rachel, as she struggled to dress Madelyn who was trying to crawl away. "But you've got to go to school. I promise, straight after school, we'll go and see Daddy ok? Why don't you draw him another picture to decorate his room?"  
  
"I'll draw him another picture of us all. With Maddie crawling this time" said Emma  
  
"He'll love that Sweetie," said Rachel, standing up now her battle with Madelyn was over. She looked adorable in her little Pink and Purple snow outfit. "Are we ready?"  
  
"Uh Huh" said Emma, grabbing her Barbie backpack and coat.  
  
Rachel picked up her bag, a bag with some more PJ's for Ross, Madelyn's bag and last but not least Madelyn herself and they headed out the door.  
  
(Day Care Centre)  
  
Rachel walked through the doors, brushing the snow of herself and Madelyn.  
  
"How are you Rachel?" said one of the staff, Alayna "And how's Little Miss Madelyn today?"  
  
"Fine thanks" said Rachel  
  
"How's Ross?" asked Alayna  
  
"Hasn't changed" said Rachel "I'm headed over there now"  
  
"I'm so sorry," said Alayna "We're all thinking of you and praying for Ross"  
  
"Thankyou" said Rachel "That means a lot"  
  
"Well we're going to have a fun day today" said Alayna, putting her arms out for Madelyn. "We're going to try some finger painting"  
  
Rachel thought to herself that Madelyn was a little young for finger- painting but didn't say anything "Sounds like Fun"  
  
Rachel gave Madelyn a kiss on the head "Mommy will see you soon Baby"  
  
Madelyn started to wail immediately. She had developed a separation anxiety and didn't like to be apart from Rachel.  
  
"Good old Separation Anxiety" said Alayna  
  
"You know what" said Rachel "I don't feel like being apart from her today either. I'll just take her with me"  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Alayna "She's normally fine as soon as you leave"  
  
"No, It's fine," said Rachel, taking her back into her arms where she stopped crying straight away "We'll go visit Daddy together"  
  
"OK then. We'll see you tomorrow Madelyn?" said Alayna.  
  
"Hopefully" said Rachel, picking up Madelyn's back and heading for the door  
  
(Hospital)  
  
Rachel walked into Ross's room, pushing Madelyn, who had nodded off in the cab, in her stroller.  
  
Ross had been moved into a private room after suffering some complications a few days ago, which led the doctors to connect him up to a Heart Monitor Machine as a precaution He was still in a coma and Rachel hadn't been fully informed of what exactly led the doctors to hook him up to the Heart Monitor.  
  
Rachel couldn't believe that he still hadn't woken up. He had missed out on so much over the past month, Maddie started crawling a few days ago and it was Monica's birthday last week. Those little things that mean so much to him.  
  
The machine bleeped in the background, Rachel tried to block out the sounds.  
  
She set her bags down on a side table and sat down next to his bed, She reached out and touched his forehead.  
  
"Hi Honey," she said, "Maddie's come for a visit today. She didn't feel like going to Day Care"  
  
Dr Raymond entering the room interrupted her, "How are you today Rachel?"  
  
"I'm ok, Coping I guess" replied Rachel "Any changes since last night?"  
  
"Not really.I'm sorry," said Dr Raymond  
  
"It's ok," replied Rachel "I don't think I was expecting anything different. Can you explain to me now exactly why Ross is hooked up to this Heart Monitor?""  
  
"No problems, Now as you know, the injuries to Ross's head were very severe, His brain has been knocked about and there could be some permanent damage there, if he were to wake up. He is still in a Coma but after we got the results back from those tests we performed last week, they revealed that his heart is also under some stress, That is the reason that we've connected him up to the Heart machine, should his heart suddenly fail, We will be there in time to do something about it"  
  
"Oh God" said Rachel "Do you think that will happen?"  
  
"We're just taking it day by day at the moment Rachel" said Dr Raymond "It's impossible to predict what might happen"  
  
"Ok" said Rachel.  
  
She looked at Ross's still form and she felt herself begin to choke up so she began to take deep breaths "This is a nightmare, an absolute nightmare"  
  
"I know how hard d this must be for you but I've also got something else I need to ask you" said Dr Raymond  
  
"Yes?" Asked Rachel  
  
"Did Ross ever talk about being an organ donor?"  
  
"I don't think so. Why?" asked Rachel  
  
"Well in the event of Ross's heart failing, if he weren't to survive and was on the organ donor list, then we would want to know as soon as possible so we could determine whether his healthy organs can be donated to someone in need" said Dr Raymond.  
  
"Well there's no need to worry about that because that event isn't going to happen," said Rachel "Ross isn't going to die"  
  
"Rachel, Do you understand how his body has been traumatised?" asked Dr Raymond "Ross suffered a major blow to his head and his heart is under an enormous amount of stress"  
  
"I understand" said Rachel, beginning to get angry "But I don't need you in here telling me these things. It's hard enough for me to accept that he is actually in here; I don't want to know of the possibility that he won't make it. Right now all I want to focus on, is him getting out of here and coming home to me and our children"  
  
"I'm sorry Rachel but I think you have the right to know all the possibilities," said Dr Raymond "Could I also suggest that you make an appointment with one of our Counsellors on Level 8? I know this must be very stressful for you, plus having to cope with two young children. It might be good if you talked to someone besides myself or the nurses"  
  
"I do not need a Counsellor, I have plenty of people that I can talk too" said Rachel "Thankyou for your concern but I'm fine"  
  
"Ok, but if you change your mind, you know where I am and I will set up an appointment for you" said Dr Raymond before exiting the room.  
  
Now with some privacy, Rachel began to talk to Ross.  
  
"Ross, I miss you so much," said "I know that all we ever do is fight but I promise to you, that when you wake up and we go home, it's all going to change. I'm willing to do anything to make this work Ross, Marriage counselling, anything. I never meant what I said about leaving you, I was so angry when I said it but I would never do that because the fact of the matter is that I could never do that to you or myself. I love you too much to ever leave"  
  
She began to cry softly "I just need to hear your voice again, I need to have your reassurance that you know how much I love you. Emma misses you so much, She wanted to come and see you today but I made her go to school, which might have been wrong of me. She's been drawing you so many pictures, of the family and Monica and everyone else. She's been putting them up around your room so you'll see them as soon as you open your eyes. Madelyn's missing her daddy too, You would never believe what she did on Wednesday, Emma and I were sitting on the floor playing with her and Emma rolled the ball over towards the kitchen and Madelyn pulled herself up onto her hands and knees and crawled over to the ball. I was so excited when she did it but a grey cloud came over when I remembered that you weren't there to see it"  
  
Rachel noticed a CD player sitting on one of the side tables. She wondered what an earth they would have a CD player in here for, but leant over and switched it on anyways. It was set to a Radio station.  
  
"We're expecting 4 mm of snow tonight in New York City and possibly more tomorrow, It's looking very dark outside so remember if you're driving, have your lights on" said the Announcer on the Radio.  
  
(We hear background Music: How do I live by Leanne Rimes)  
  
How do I get through the night without you  
  
If I had to live without you  
  
What kinda life would that be  
  
Oh I need you in my arms, need you to hold  
  
You are my world, my heart, my soul  
  
If you ever leave  
  
baby you would take away  
  
everything good in my life  
  
and tell me now  
  
How do I live without you?  
  
I want to know  
  
How do I breathe without you?  
  
If you ever go  
  
How do I ever, ever survive  
  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live  
  
Without you  
  
There would be no sun in my sky  
  
there would be no love in my life  
  
there'd be no world left for me  
  
And I, baby, I don't know what I would do  
  
I'd be lost if I lost you  
  
If you ever leave  
  
baby you would take away  
  
everything real in my life  
  
and tell me  
  
How do I live without you  
  
I want to know  
  
How do I breathe without you  
  
If you ever go  
  
How do I ever, ever survive  
  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live  
  
Please tell me baby how do I go on  
  
If you ever leave  
  
baby you would take away everything  
  
need you with me  
  
baby don't you know that you are  
  
everything good in my life  
  
And tell me now  
  
How do I live without you  
  
I want to know  
  
How do I breathe without you  
  
if you ever go  
  
how do I ever, ever survive  
  
how do I, how do I, oh how do I live  
  
How do I live without you?  
  
How do I live without you, baby?  
  
How do I live without you?  
  
Rachel sighed and walked over to the window, She pulled the blinds to one side and looked out over Manhattan. It was an extremely grey and dull day, there were huge clouds in the sky and it looked as if it would pour at any moment.  
  
"And now here's a song that means something. U2's With or Without You" came over the Radio.  
  
See the stone set in your eyes  
  
See the thorn twist in your side  
  
I wait for you  
  
Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
  
On a bed of nails she makes me wait  
  
And I wait without you  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
Through the storm we reach the shore  
  
You give it all but I want more  
  
And I'm waiting for you  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
I can't live  
  
With or without you  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give  
  
And you give  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
My hands are tied  
  
My body bruised, she's got me with  
  
Nothing to win and  
  
Nothing left to lose  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
And you give  
  
And you give  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
I can't live  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
I can't live  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
Rachel smiled as she heard the song. "With or without You" was her and Ross's chosen song, it reminded her of the obstacles they overcame before they first began a relationship. He dedicated it to her over the Radio after he made a huge mistake and it took her many months to forgive him but eventually she did.  
  
Rachel looked over at Madelyn and saw she was sitting up awake in her stroller so she lifted her out and sat her on the bed next to Ross. Madelyn reached out and patted her Dad on the face.  
  
"Say Hi to Dad, Maddie," said Rachel "Can you say Dada?"  
  
"Buh" said Madelyn with a giggle.  
  
"She tried Ross," said Rachel, with a laugh "I'm going to go down to the Cafeteria to get a cup of coffee so I'll be back very soon"  
  
She stood up and picked Madelyn up of the bed, to put her in the stroller.  
  
As she turned away, she failed to notice the tiny bit of movement in Ross's left hand. His fingers were moving slightly. It was barely noticeable.  
  
"Be back soon Honey" she said before she left, leaning and kissing him gently on the forehead.  
  
AN: TBC This chapter's probably pretty crap coz I kinda lost inspiration for the story but I'm trying ( It will be continued soon 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Rachel sat in the cafeteria, holding her hands over the steaming cup of coffee. The hospital coffee tasted like crap but she was used to it by now. It was a relief to get out of the room for a second, She couldn't stand being in there at times, watching Ross, lying there motionless with only the sounds of the Machine's to keep her company.  
  
She watched Madelyn, who was chewing on a Rusk stick to relieve some of her teething pains, getting brown gooey stuff all over her suit. Rachel could see the mess she was going to end up in so she grabbed the end of the Rusk stick and wrapped it up in a napkin.  
  
"Look at the mess you've made Honey" she said, lifting Maddie onto her lap.  
  
Madelyn gave Rachel a big toothy smile, which melted her heart.  
  
"Well now you've done that, how could I possibly be angry?" she asked, as she wiped the baby's hands and face.  
  
"What do you say we go up and see how Daddy's going?" said Rachel, starting to stand up. Her Cell Phone ringing interrupted her.  
  
"Hello?" she answered  
  
"Mrs Green?" said the caller  
  
"Yes, this is she" Rachel replied  
  
"This is Mrs Caldwell from ___________ Elementary School, We've got Emma here and she says that she isn't feeling very well so we thought it might be best if you came and picked her up early?"  
  
"She's not feeling well?" said Rachel, thinking that Emma could possibly just want to get out of school and come and see Ross.  
  
"Yes, She's complaining of a head-ache and ear ache. I think it might be wise if she were to go to the doctors" said Mrs Caldwell.  
  
"Ok, Tell her I'll be there soon," said Rachel "Thankyou"  
  
She hung up the call and put Madelyn in her stroller. She headed for the front entrance to get a cab. She had the feeling that Emma would be fine once they reached the hospital later and she saw Ross.  
  
(Elementary School)  
  
Rachel walked into the sickbay and saw Emma sitting miserably on the bed.  
  
"What's up Honey?" she said.  
  
"I don't feel very well Mommy," moaned Emma "My head hurts"  
  
"Poor Baby" said Rachel, kissing her forehead. "Well I've called Aunty Monica and Uncle Chandler and they said you can rest at their apartment because I've got to get back up and see how your Dad is doing"  
  
"You're going to leave me at Aunty Monica's when I'm sick" asked Emma; giving Rachel the puppy dog eyes she inherited from her Dad.  
  
"I'm sorry Honey, but if you're sick you shouldn't be visiting the hospital, spreading your germs around" said Rachel, as she signed Emma out.  
  
"But you promised I would get to see Daddy after school" said Emma "You promised Mom"  
  
"I know Sweetie," said Rachel "But that was before I know you were sick. Aunty Monica's going to make you some of her special Chicken noodle soup. She's going to take good care of you until I get back"  
  
"That's not fair," said Emma "Please let me come with you. I won't breathe on Daddy or anyone else, I promise"  
  
"We'll discuss this in the Cab" said Rachel firmly "Grab your bag Honey"  
  
"I'm mad at you," pouted Emma, shrugging her coat on.  
  
Rachel smiled at the Nurse as she ushered Emma out the door "Thank you very much"  
  
(Cab)  
  
"So tell me Honey, Are you just feeling sick because you thought if you finished school earlier you'd get to come and see your dad faster?" Rachel asked Emma, who was sitting with her arms folded, staring out the window.  
  
Emma didn't reply.  
  
"Emma Geller, Don't ignore me. Answer the question," said Rachel "Are you really sick because if so you'll need to go to the doctors"  
  
"I did feel sick," said Emma "But only a little bit. I wanted to come home so I could be with you and Maddie. I was lonely at school and I miss Daddy"  
  
"I know you do Honey. And I bet he misses you too" said Rachel, pulling Emma into a hug "Do I give hugs as good as Dad?"  
  
"Not as good. But these are ok too" said Emma "Can I please come with you to the hospital?"  
  
"Of course you can," said Rachel. "Thanks Mom" said Emma, giving Rachel a kiss "I love you"  
  
"Love you more," said Rachel.  
  
The cab pulled up out the front of Beth Israel and they jumped out while the driver got Maddie's stroller out of the boot.  
  
"Do you think Dad could be awake yet?" asked Emma, with a look of hope on her face.  
  
"I don't know Sweetie," said Rachel "If it was my decision, I would have had him wake up days ago but I know he's doing the best he can. He'll wake up when he's ready"  
  
"I hope it's soon. My ballet recital is in 2 weeks," said Emma "I'm not going if he's not there"  
  
"We'll have to keep our fingers crossed then won't we?" said Rachel, as she put Madelyn in her stroller "Ready?"  
  
"Yep" said Emma, taking Rachel's hands as they walked through the sliding doors into the Hospital.  
  
They walked past the gift shop, where Emma broke free and ran in.  
  
"Look Mommy" said Emma, holding up a big blue balloon with the words 'World's Best Daddy' on it "Can I get it?"  
  
"I suppose," said Rachel, handing over some money "Hurry up Sweetie"  
  
"Thankyou" Emma said happily to the shop assistant as she ran out with the balloon "Dad's going to love this"  
  
"He will," said Rachel, holding her hands out to stop the elevator doors closing "Quick Honey"  
  
They walked up to Ross's room. Emma pushing open the heavy door.  
  
"Dad" she said, running to the edge of the bed and climbing up "Dad, It's Emma"  
  
"Be careful of the wires Em," said Rachel as she entered the room.  
  
"Daddy, Guess what. Madelyn and I bought you a balloon. It's big and blue and it says 'World's Best Daddy' on it. Wait to you see it. You'll love it," said Emma  
  
Rachel saw a little note on Ross's bedside table. She picked it up and read it.  
  
Hi Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Pheeb's and I came up while you were gone. I spoke to Dr Raymond and he asked me to talk to you because he suggested some counselling for you but you refused. I hope that you're doing ok Honey but if you do need to speak to someone you know where we all are. By the way, You, Emma and Madelyn are coming around to our Apartment for dinner tonight, No questions asked. It'll be ready at about 7 but come whenever you're finished at the hospital. I'll make some 'goo' for Madelyn to have as well. So we'll see you tonight ok. Give my brother a kiss from me and give me a call if there are any changes. Love Monica  
  
Rachel smiled as she put the note down. Monica was always looking out for her and it meant a lot to her. She knew that the others came to visit when they knew she wouldn't be here so she could always have privacy visits, which she appreciated.  
  
She looked over at Emma who was chattering away madly to Ross, whilst playing with one of the tubes attached to his chest.  
  
"Emma, be careful with that," said Rachel "We're going to Aunty Monica's and Uncle Chandler's tonight once we are finished visiting"  
  
"Cool" said Emma "But I want to stay here for lots longer ok?"  
  
"Sure" said Rachel "Honey, I'm just going to the bathroom. Will you be ok in here? Madelyn's sleeping so you won't have to worry about her. I'll only be 2 minutes"  
  
"We'll be fine," replied Emma "I'm telling Dad about my dance in my Ballet recital"  
  
"Ok" said Rachel, exiting the room. "Back in one second"  
  
Rachel walked into the toilets; there were only 3 toilets and 4 people waiting so she headed over to the sinks. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like hell, Dark circles under her eyes from sleepless nights and a pale face. She splashed water over her face and dried it with some paper towel.  
  
The cold water revitalized her a little but what she really needed was a solid night's sleep with no interruptions, something she hadn't had in a month. Every night she went to bed but only seemed to get a few hours sleep; in between comforting the baby who still woke up in the night, she also spent hours sitting up in bed, thinking about Ross and preparing herself for the next day.  
  
This whole nightmare had made her realise just how precious life is, how one incident can cause a lifetime of pain and suffering and how you shouldn't let a day go by without letting your loved ones know how much they mean to you because you never know if you're going to see them the next day.  
  
(Ross's room)  
  
Emma sat on the bed next to Ross, playing with his hands. She held his hand up against hers and marvelled at how much bigger it was.  
  
She rested his hand back down on top of the covers, letting out a small scream as she felt his fingers suddenly wrap around hers. She jumped off the bed in fright and ran outside to the Nurses station to get someone to come in.  
  
(Hallway)  
  
Rachel walked back up the hallway towards Ross's room. As she got closer she could see about 4 nurses at the door.  
  
Rachel broke into a jog and ran to the doorway.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked in a panic, for some reason expecting the worst.  
  
"Look for yourself" said the Nurse with a big smile.  
  
Rachel looked in the room and saw Ross propped up in bed, Emma next to him while Dr Raymond examined him.  
  
"Ross" she cried, running to his side.  
  
"Rach" he said weakly, reaching out for her hand.  
  
"Oh god. You're awake" said Rachel, holding his hand tightly "I've never been so relieved in my life"  
  
"He woke up and grabbed my fingers," said Emma "You scared me though Daddy. Don't ever do that again"  
  
Dr Raymond laughed, "Well from what I can tell, everything seems to be ok. I want to take you for an MRI very soon though, Check out what's going on up there. And an ECG to look at your heart" he said, pointing to Ross's head.  
  
"How long have I been here?" asked Ross, His voice very quiet "Everything's fuzzy"  
  
"It's been a month," said Dr Raymond "Do you remember why you're here?"  
  
"Umm, I remember walking at night and then I saw a Cab and everything went black. I don't remember why I was out walking at night," said Ross  
  
Rachel bit her lip. He couldn't remember their argument.  
  
"Could we just be alone for a few minutes" Rachel asked Dr Raymond.  
  
"No problems" he replied  
  
"Manie, Why don't you take this young lady over here into the lounge for a drink" said Dr Raymond to one of the nurses, nodding over at Emma.  
  
"Why do I have to go? I wanna stay in here," said Emma  
  
"Just for a few minutes Honey" said Rachel "I need to talk to your dad alone. We'll only be a second I promise"  
  
"Fine. Bye Dad" grumped Emma, stomping out alongside the Nurse.  
  
"Bye Emma" said Ross  
  
"Thanks" said Rachel to Dr Raymond, before he left.  
  
Now they were alone, Rachel began to talk.  
  
"I'm so glad you're back" she said softly "You have no idea how hard this past month has been"  
  
"I'm glad too" said Ross "I still can't figure out exactly what happened that night"  
  
"We were fighting as usual and I got really angry & I told you that if things didn't change I was going to leave you and I said some things in the heat of the moment that I didn't mean and you walked out," said Rachel "I'm so sorry Ross"  
  
Ross gathered his thoughts for a few moments; it was all slowly coming back to him. He began to remember exactly what happened, what was said and why he left. It all became very clear.  
  
"The accident was all my fault," said Rachel, the tears beginning to descend down her face "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have left and this never would have happened"  
  
"Rachel" said Ross, he reached over and grabbed her hand "This is no one's fault. It was an accident"  
  
"No, but if I didn't say those things to you..." began Rachel before Ross interrupted her.  
  
"Sshhh" said Ross, lifting up his hand and touching her face "Don't talk like that"  
  
"I can't help it. I've been feeling so guilty this past month. Blaming myself for what happened and I was so scared that you weren't going to make it, I would never have forgiven myself"  
  
"But I did make it" said Ross "Here I am"  
  
"I know and I am so happy. I need to get some things off my chest" said Rachel "Can you listen"  
  
"I'm all ears," said Ross.  
  
"Here goes," said Rachel "Firstly, I am so, so sorry for everything that I have said and done this last year or so. I've been nothing but a bitch to you. Everything that I said about leaving you and my regrets, I didn't mean a word of it. I'm the one who has made this marriage crumble and I will completely understand if you want a divorce because you deserve better"  
  
"A divorce?" interrupted Ross "What could make you think I would ever want a divorce?"  
  
"Because I don't treat you how you deserve to be treated, because you deserve a wife who doesn't bitch at you constantly" said Rachel "More to the point, I don't deserve someone like you"  
  
"I would never, ever want a divorce from you Rach" said Ross "No matter what happened, no matter what was said. I love you so much, you're my soul mate"  
  
"Really?" said Rachel  
  
"Really. I was walking the streets that night and I decided that I was going to come home to you, that we were going to sit down and discuss everything and I promised myself that I would not sleep until I knew we were ok" said Ross.  
  
He motioned to Rachel, who sat up on the bed next to him where he pulled her into his arms. "But turns out that didn't happen because as I was crossing the street and cab slammed into me and I went to sleep without talking to you first"  
  
Rachel let out a laugh and leaned down and kissed Ross's lips gently.  
  
"I do love you Ross" she said "I love you so much and I promise that from here on out, everything's going to change. This accident has made me realize that life is too precious for us to spend every day yelling and screaming at each other. We've got to live life as if this is the last day because you never know if there's going to be a tomorrow. That's my new philosophy. And I'm willing to do anything to get us back on track, counselling or whatever"  
  
"I don't think we need counselling," said Ross "I think if we both try, we'll get though it just fine"  
  
"I've missed feeling your arms around me," said Rachel "It's been a long time"  
  
"I've missed doing something else too" said Ross  
  
"What?" asked Rachel  
  
Ross pulled her close and kissed her passionately. It was their first kiss in months and it felt good.  
  
They were interrupted by a wail from the corner of the room. It was Madelyn who was awake and demanding some attention. Rachel broke the kiss and walked over to get her out of her stroller.  
  
"Hey there Baby girl" said Rachel as she lifted her out. "Come and say Hi to your Daddy"  
  
She put Madelyn in Ross's arms. He held onto her tightly.  
  
"Hi Maddie, It's been awhile" said Ross "Got a few more teeth since I last saw you and you've got even cuter"  
  
Rachel noticed Emma's head peeking around the door.  
  
"Come on" she said, motioning her to come in  
  
Emma ran in and jumped onto the bed.  
  
"Daddy, Did you see all the picture's I've done for you and the Balloon, Maddie and I got for you?" said Emma excitedly.  
  
"I did Em, and they're fantastic," said Ross "Thanks Sweetie"  
  
"That's ok. I wanted them to be the first thing you saw when you woke up but I'm even gladder that I was the first thing you saw," said Emma  
  
"It was extra special to see you as soon as I opened my eyes Princess" said Ross "And even better know I'm with my 3 special girls"  
  
TBC 


End file.
